Addicted – The demon I can’t face

10 Mar

I am really not a big fan of pop music, but there is this one song by Kelly Clarkson that I really, really like. It was just by chance that I heard it. Sometimes it’s annoying, but I am a person who listens to lyrics quite a lot. This song describes addiction pretty well…

Addicted by Kelly Clarkson

It’s like you’re a drug
It’s like you’re a demon I can’t face down
It’s like I’m stuck
It’s like I’m running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It’s like the only company I seek is misery all around
It’s like you’re a leech
Sucking the life from me
It’s like I can’t breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I’m never gonna quit you over time

I like that she doesn’t specify what she’s singing about. Just the problem of addiction in general. And I tell you, every Eating Disorder is an addiction. And I like to express myself in metaphor, it sometimes makes things easier for me. And easier for others to understand.

Personify your addiction can be quite useful sometimes. Clarkson speaks to her addiction. Or maybe this is just another love song and truly she speaks about a person she’s together with but who’s just not good for her. It doesn’t matter. You can be addicted to almost everything and it’s always the same problem. And each time, it means great suffering.

Like a drug? Yeah, I feel bulimia and anorexia are my drugs, I take them when I need a quick fix.

Yes, I am stuck with this demon and afraid to look in his face.

I am running from it all the time, but it’s seems I am running in circles. And when I get back to my demon, it’s not me having the power anymore, definitelly!

It seems as if I just seek this misery. As if I want to feel this deep sadness and desperation. Maybe it keeps me from feeling other things that are even worse. But I don’t know because I don’t have the courage to find out.

At the same time… it is sucking the life out of me, destroying me slowly, killing me softly, maybe. Suffocating me. Still, the power is his alone. Because I don’t have the power to quite, I just don’t have it. Not now.

It’s like I’m lost
It’s like I’m giving up slowly
It’s like you’re a ghost that’s haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I’ll never change my ways
If I don’t give you up now

Lost in this maze because I don’t see a way out. I don’t know whether it’s me running in circles or the demon of addiction coming after me. Perhaps it’s both. Still, it might be like a ghost or like a demon, but even though it’s crazy… those are still my own thoughts. My own voices. I think it’s good to admit that when applying this personification. The last four lines of this stanza are the only positive statements in the song. Yes, these thoughts are my own. I will never change my ways, if I don’t give you up now. So, here is the possibility. A chance. But the only moment to take action is NOW. I can’t say (even though we all like to do that) today I will starve, purge, get my quick fix, but hey, tomorrow is gonna be different, for sure. Procrastinating in recovery is a very bad approach. It’s running away. Circles.

So here is my conclusion for this dark song: Yes, being addicted is really, really bad. But, there is a way out of it. Often it feels like someone else is controlling us and we’re powerless. Or we just give up. But after all, it just seems to be like that. the voices are my own. This is my having this crazy and weird thought. The good message about that is, I can change it. It’s all up to me. I can make a change now. It might be a tiny little one, nearly invisible  and no one will actually notice, but that’s ok. This shit is damn strong. But I am not entirely powerless either. It might take a while and gonna be tricky, but it’s possible and it’s up to me.

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One Response to “Addicted – The demon I can’t face”

  1. Patricia Begay March 12, 2010 at 2:10 am #

    I saw something about this topic on TV last night. Good post.

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