(Not another) Beautiful lie

19 Apr

Time runs you over, it is reckless, indifferent about you.

Friday night. A shadow of her former self, laying on the cold floor. Dark hands cover a face that has not smiled for a long time. A silent scream penetrates the house. It is an old story, told over and over again. The night engulfs her, moonlight doesn’t make things easier anymore. She knows that the sun will rise again. But what for? Mockery and shame? To cast light on the broken fragments that she leaves behind?

This is not part of a nightmare. It is reality. It is the reality of addiction, of depression, of anxiety and every eating disorder. THIS is the life we chose to live.

We look for help, for a hand, a branch, something we can grasp before drowning. And we are starving to hear this one, short sentence: “It will be ok. Everything will be ok.” Waiting for someone to say these redemptive words. It’s a beautiful lie…

I know that people who land on this blog are looking for advice, help, comfort. All they want to read is a post promising that it’s gonna be ok. There is a lot of them. It’s nice to read and comforting to believe them for a few hours. I never found those posts very convincing though.

The problem is: I can’t promise you this. Because I don’t know. How should I be able to tell? Maybe things will never be ok! What does “ok” mean, anyway? Sometimes you have to embrace insecurity and uncertainty first to move forward. Nobody can make you this promise. Unless you give it a chance, you will never know. Keep in mind:

One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.

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2 Responses to “(Not another) Beautiful lie”

  1. Lizzy April 19, 2010 at 6:13 pm #

    — “One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” — This one sentance sums up the first steps toward recovery. Very well said.

  2. devigoesusa April 28, 2010 at 2:29 am #

    Indeed… that sums it up. I really like the metaphor, too. It involves a lot of trust to do it though. There is insecurity and fear. But in the end… there’s new land. Nodody says everything will be easy on the other shore. But I have the trust that it’s a good place and worth all the struggle to get there.

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