1 Jun

To mislead others is never the best choice. To mislead yourself is really bad. By fooling yourself you actually make a fool out of yourself, but you won’t notice until much later.

First, you trick yourself into thinking: Once I am skinny, once I’ve reached this weight, I will be happy, lucky, popular, life will be good. Everything will be easier. Once I am skinny. What a comforting thought. Eventually, I will be skinny, but you find out that you’re not happy. It’s okay… you had to learn it the hard way. Let’s just assume, you got this message. It wasn’t easy, but you came to understand that being skinny doesn’t mean eternal happiness.

Now your on recovery. Trying not to purge, starve, binge and whatever you did before. It’s not easy and you’re not quite there yet. Still struggling. Sometimes it’s easier, sometimes it’s harder. BUT: Once you’re recovered, life will be easy, great, fun, you will be happy, successful, popular…

STOP. Doesn’t this sound familiar? It’s the same unrealistic thinking… just the other way round. Even without your addiction, life won’t be easy. You might find yourself crying and on the floor again, you will be sad, there will be problems, you will be stressed, exhausted, tired. It won’t be easy, it will never be easy. But it might be easier. Give it a shoot. If you don’t try, you will never find out.


6 Responses to “Reality”

  1. Lizzy June 1, 2010 at 1:59 am #

    It is true. Just because you get into recovery doesn’t mean it’s smooth sailing the rest of the way. There will always be struggles in life. That’s a given. But when you are healthy and in a better frame of mind it is much easier to deal with the everyday problems we all face as humans. When I let go of my ed and gave it to God I found recovery to be easier. But I can say from experience that I still have my “days”. I just have more strength and courage to face them now.

  2. missymiller June 2, 2010 at 5:07 pm #

    That is such a good point! Never thought about it, but I idealize recovery in much the same way I idealized (idealize) being thin.
    Just like there was never a “thin enough” I doubt there will ever be a “recovered enough” for me and maybe thinking there will be is just another way of postponing life HERE and NOW.

  3. definekylie June 9, 2010 at 5:07 am #

    I’ve actually been thinking about that alot lately. Once I realized there would never be a ‘thin enough’ or a goal to reach. Your very good at putting some thoughts into words that I myself have had trouble understanding.
    I really enjoy your writing. Would it be outrageous to ask If you could link to my blog?

  4. devigoesusa June 17, 2010 at 2:26 pm #

    Sure you can link me! I appreciate it! And thanks for your comment…

  5. Carolyn July 29, 2010 at 2:25 am #

    I found your blog interesting. Of course the general line is that anas believe that once they reach the perfect weight their life will be bliss. I gave up on that fantasy a long time ago…i’m 44 years old and have had an eating disorder since i was 16. It really helped me to revise my expectations to make them more realistic. Being thin doesn’t make my life perfect, but it does take the edge off. When i’m not thin and things go wrong, i panic, i have no place to go. But being on the leaner side makes me feel like i’m traveling light and i can find a bit of peace….not much, but i’ll take what i can get! That’s where i’m at. I guess we are all at different places on the road. PEACE>Carolyn

  6. Taha December 4, 2010 at 10:57 am #

    That’s so true! I guess, in a way, we might as well be, ‘fuck it, let’s just go with the flow’. But even going with the flow comes with its own set of woe. Great, there’s just no solution to life, is there? And if we just ‘live’ it, is that enough?

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