Tag Archives: mia

Ted Leo – Me and Mia

23 Jul

Classic. And one of the best songs about both anorexia and bulimia.
“Fighting food to find transcendence”
That is an amazing line… and so true. Sad, but true.

As I was walking through a life one morning
The sun was out, the air was warm
But oh, I was cold
And though I must have looked a half a person
To tell the tale in my own version
It was only then that I felt whole

Do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it
Fighting for the smallest goal:
To get a little self-control
I know how hard you try
I see it in your eyes
Call your friends, because we’ve forgotten
What it’s like to eat what’s rotten
And what’s eating you alive
Might help you to survive

We went on, as we were on a mission
Latest in a Grand Tradition
Oh, what did we find?
It was Ego who was flying the banner
Me and Mia, Ann and Ana, oh
We’d been unkind

Do you believe in something beautiful?
Then, get up and be it
Fighting for the smallest goal:
To get a little self-control
I see it in your eyes
I see it in your spine
But call your friends, because we’ve forgotten
What it’s like to eat what’s rotten
And what’s eating you alive
Might help you to survive

Even the nights that could get better
And even the days aren’t all that bad
And after a week of fighting
As more and more it seems the right thing

Do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it
Fighting for the smallest goal:
To gain a little self-control
Won’t anybody here just let you disappear?
Not doctors, nor your mom nor dad
But me and Mia, Ann and Ana
Know how hard you try
Don’t you see it in my eyes?

Sick to death of my dependence
Fighting food to find trancendence
Fighting to survive
More dead, but more alive
Cigarettes and speed to live
And sleeping pills to feel forgiven
All that you contrive
And all that you’re deprived

All the bourgeois social angels
Telling you you’ve got to change
Don’t have any idea
They’ll never see so clear
But don’t forget what it really means to hunger strike
When you don’t really need to
Some are dying for the cause, but that don’t make it yours
And even the nights, they could get better

 

Songs about Ana & Mia

23 Jul

I decided to make a  new category – songs about eating disorders. About anorexia and bulimia. About addiction in general. Everything that fits the big picture.

Music has always been important to me – especially the lyrics! I always asked everyone to listen to the lyrics… and usually, nobody will actually listen to them…

That’s fine with me. Most lyrics or not worth listening to anyway… but there are those special ones I really love.
I will share those songs with you.

Songs about ana and mia.

I will choose songs that move me personally. I hope you will love as much as I do! I’ll give you the lyrics and maybe a youtube video… listen, read and enjoy. Mind the lyrics…

I might also choose some German songs (I grew up bilingual…) and translate them for you. I hope you will like them as much as I do.

Here a list of the songs (will be updated each time I post a new one)

  1. Ted Leo – Me and Mia 
  2. Mono Inc. – Symphony of Pain
Aside

Same old friend, same old story…

10 Jul

Is it possible to get well again, for good? No relapses, no sick thoughts? Just being healthy? I don’t have the answers. Sometimes, I think, yes, of course and I’ll be healthy, sometimes I think, no, it’s just not possible. However, I just heard from a friend of mine and what she told me makes me sad…

I have know her for eight years now… we got to know each other at a treatment center for eating disorders. We were both very, very young. It seems like we knew NOTHING at all about everything that was going on. However, we shared a room. So she was the first person I really got to know at that place. It’s kind of awkward  to remember that time now, it all seems so unreal! At that point, we didn’t know that we still had such a long way to go!

For a time, we lost the contact… but we’ve been back in touch for about two years I think. I know what happened to her after she was at the treatment center and it wasn’t all happy go lucky… But slowly, over the years, she gained back control. Control over her life! She struggled with depression once, but the eating seemed to be no issue anymore.

Well, what she told me now: She struggles once again. There are these thought she should not have anymore. Sure, her life isn’t easy right now. There’s insecurity, there is anorexia… at least in her thoughts, she’s there! So my friend is looking for a place in therapy once again.

It always makes me sad to hear things like this. I mean, I am glad she tells me! And I am struggling myself, so actually I should not consider this to be a big deal. It is, though. To be honest, I don’t always tell her everything about my struggles with life. Food included. Probably she doesn’t know as much about my problems as I do about hers. But still. She was fine, she was happy. And things can change so fast. If I think about it… someone who once had an eating disorder can’t be simply okay again. At some time of your life, at least that little voice will come back. You might not listen to it anymore. It gets less noisy and it will stop. But you can never be rid of it for good.

Image

Long way to go…

Hope dies last.

3 Oct

Hope does last.

It is not that bad. No, actually, I can’t complain. It’s been worse. The pain has been stronger. It could be worse right now. It could hurt much more, as it did in the past. it has been darker, lonelier.

I did hit rock button, but that’s over.

Now I am only falling down. Imagining, it could be worse. Be worse. Worse. Than I stand up again. This sentence is strengthening.

I tell myself: It is worth it. Soon the sentence turns into a question but I don’t want to listen anymore.

There’s my conclusion so far. Fate doesn’t spare anyone, there are always bumps in the road.

Hope dies last. Faith dies first.

Life goes on. It might be worth it. Im not sure though. Hope dies last.

Time

22 May

How much time did I already squander for my eating disorder? How many time did you spend engaging in those behaviors, planing meals, purging, dieting?

Have you ever thought about that? Yesterday, a friend and I had a discussion about wasting time… My friend said, that he was mad at himself for all the time he wasted playing computer games. So unproductive. I told him, at least you enjoyed yourself. At least you had fun. So you didn’t really waste your time!

I told him, how I had wasted my time. How much time a eating disorder takes up. More than any computer game. And you never reach the last level and win. There is no happy end. You never kill the enemy. You can only kill yourself. That’s the end, that’s what comes at the end of the way, if you want to it to the end.

I didn’t enjoy myself when purging, when starving myself. I made myself suffer. And if I imagine I had read a good book each time instead of engaging in my eating disorder… I would have read through entire libraries.

Or if I had done something for college or school … I would have had the best grades ever.

Fact is, I did not do all these things.

But you can’t change the past. You can only ruin the present my worrying about it…

Time is what we always want most, but we use it very badly. What is time? What is a day?
Ask the dictionary…

Day, n.  A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent
Ambrose Bierce

Wiliam Ernest Henley – Invictus

22 May

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
my head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
looms but the horror of the shade,
and yet the menace of the years
finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Nevermore

3 Apr

Quoth the ED… Nevermore.

 

It’s a deception, a beautiful lie. Beautiful, but still, it’s a lie. A weighty one. Nevermore: Relapse. Nevermore: Self injury. Nevermore: Purging.

The recipe for failure. It shouldn’t be that difficult. It is this difficult. It is war. Resign, give up all hope, and you will go down. Running doesn’t help, you’re never fast enough. Never. Nevermore.

Could you win this war? If you dare to fight. If you fight on the right side. And if you stand up again and  again. Hitting rock button without breaking. It’s possible. You have to find out for yourself. For your Self.

Nevermore. Don’t trust the nevermore.

It’s possible.